Know your teen's friends
"As children become tweens and teens, it's more important than ever for parents to know their children's friends," says Landers. "This is the age when what peers think and say are a teen's top influence. Teens value their friends the most. You must know them."You may have to step in and help the child reduce his or her relationship with a peer who you think is negative or damaging. That's very difficult. It's easier to promote positive relationships early and nourish those relationships through the teen years," she adds.
Set family expectations early and review often
It's never too early to start talking about your family's unique values and expectations. Start talking about dating and relationships as early as age 9 or 10, no later than 12 -- before the first date is even on the horizon."Your child needs to know what activities you consider appropriate and where the absolute out-of-bounds lines are," Landers explains. "Be sure to look for 'teaching moments' -- such as a congressman who is forced to resign after sending a provocative photo. These events become lessons in the bad things that can happen when actions aren't thought through. You can discuss incidents that are in the news, behavior of TV stars, scenes in movies, anything that will inspire conversation and help you reinforce your values message."
Take a deep breath and discuss sexual situations your teen might encounter
"Remind them that oral sex is sex. There seems to be some teenage and adult misunderstandings about that," says Landers. "Be sure your teens understand that they have the right to say no." You might even role play potential situations so your child learns how to say no, or what to do if he or she feels pressured.Randomly check your child's cell phone
Check your teen's cell phone periodically to review the content and tone of those continual texts. You should have the password. "People lived without cell phones for centuries, and your teen might have to now -- if rules are broken," says Landers."Remind them that sexting is not just offensive -- it's illegal," she adds. "Make sure your child knows that sending nude or provocative pictures on a phone may bring a visit from police and -- maybe more importantly to them -- will allow the photo to be forwarded to the entire school. Friends who open messages showing a minor in a sexually provocative way may be accused of viewing child pornography."
Be on the lookout for toxic relationships
Most teen dating relationships go as well as we all expect. There's first love, first breakups, lots of emotion, but very little lasting damage. Like adult relationships, though, teen ones can involve physical or emotional abuse, harassment and stalking. Some have even committed suicide after a romantic breakup.Parents have to continue to be on watch. Look for changes in eating or sleeping patterns, excessive worry or preoccupation with what a boyfriend or girlfriend thinks, a drop in grades and isolation from old friends. Know the boyfriend or girlfriend and his or her parents. If you notice any of these things in your teen, something is wrong, and you need to talk with your child to find out what is going on, says Landers.
The teenage years are an important time for any child. He or she is taking steps toward adulthood and making lifetime memories: First date, first crush, first love. "Hopefully, they'll have fond memories of the caring, involved parent who watched over them during this time as well," she adds.
